Yesterday, July 10th, our "one and only", our "baby" turned thirty-three years old! WOW! Now that makes me feel old, VERY old! How can it be possible? Where has the time gone? Don't blink!
When we named our son, "Matthew", little did we know that "Matthew" means “Gift of God”. How appropriate, and you'll see why as you continue to read on!
The chronic illness which I deal with today first began way back in December, 1984. It lasted about one year, and then I had a reprieve up until the symptoms resurfaced in April of 2002.
But this post is NOT about that day in 2002 when the chronic illness returned.
In fact this is a story completely about God intervening in my life and ALL about HIS AMAZING LOVE!
In order to tell you my story of GOD’S AMAZING LOVE, I need to take you back to December 1984 and into 1985. I know that sounds like eons ago, but won’t you please join me in our time machine and make the trip back with me!
Let me tell you up front that at this point in my life I did not know Jesus as my Saviour. I was raised with religion, but never was told about having a personal relationship with Jesus at this time in my life.
In December of 1984, Brian and I found out we were expecting our first child, who ended up being our only child, which is fine with us, because we love and give thanks for the son which the Lord blessed us with!
However, within two months of finding out I was pregnant, I found myself sitting in the doctor’s office ready to “sign on the dotted line” so I could abort the baby I was carrying.
I was carrying!
I found out I had a terrible condition that was due to the pregnancy, and there was NO way I was going to put myself through all the horrible symptoms and run the risk of losing my eye sight for a baby!
I couldn’t see past myself at the time.
Brian couldn’t even talk me out of my decision.
My mind was made up and NO ONE or NOTHING was going to change it!
The doctor proceeded to answer all my questions and I was ready to leave and “get the job done”.
However, right before I left, the doctor said to me,
“Barb, it’s very early in the pregnancy, and I really doubt we'll hear the baby’s heartbeat, but let’s just check anyway, okay?”
I was very calloused at the time and thought to myself, “Okay, whatever, but it’s NOT going to change my mind!”
Well, that’s when the Lord stepped in with HIS AMAZING LOVE!
"For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb."
Right then and there, I fell head-over-heals in love with that little baby, and I knew I would do whatever it would take to carry that baby to full-term. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it surely was NOT me making that decision.
The pregnancy continued to worsen and I spent almost four weeks in the hospital with continuous spinal taps being done and by the end of the pregnancy, I was not doing well, but I still loved our baby!
I didn’t trust Christ as my Saviour during that time, BUT GOD was definitely planting MANY seeds which grew into my salvation four years later!
"We love him, because he first loved us."
I John 4:19
Our son, Matthew, was born happy and healthy on July 10, 1985, and about four months after the pregnancy, my health returned to normal!
I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would be like today if I had made that decision so many years ago.
If God would not have intervened and allowed me to hear Matthew's heartbeat!
I wouldn’t have all the memories of rocking him to sleep when he was just a baby.
Missing out on watching him grow up, reading books together, playing outside together and baking cookies together!
Totally missing the evening he trusted Christ as his Saviour!
All the precious memories when Matthew was a junior and senior in high school and he would come into my bedroom where I was sitting in "my chair" because I was already dealing with the symptoms of chronic illness, and he would lay across my bed and we would talk for hours on end about anything and everything!
Now that he's a grown man, I would have missed the joy of seeing him get married and have a child of his own.
I would have missed the honor and JOY of rocking my baby’s baby to sleep!
Having her paint each of my toenails and fingernails a different color and hearing her say to me,
“Grammy, I love you so much"
Which even on my physically worst days can make my heart sing with absolute delight!
And on and on the memories go, and to this day, praise the Lord, we are still making memories!
I have no words to say, except,
Thank God He stepped into my life on a day way back in 1985 when I wanted NO PART of Him whatsoever.
When I didn’t even know Him, how to love Him and especially what it meant to trust Him as my Saviour.
BUT GOD knew me, He loved me, He cared about me.
He also knew Matthew, He loved Matthew, He cared about Matthew even before he was born!!
I need to stop and say a word or two to any woman reading this who might have had an abortion in the past.
I did NOT write this to make you feel bad in any way. I am not passing judgment upon you nor trying to place condemnation on you by any means. I would NEVER EVER do such a thing.
I am not trying to add to your already hurting heart. I pray that if you are hurting, feeling shame or regret at all, that you will KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that there IS healing found in GOD’S AMAZING LOVE and in HIS AMAZING GRACE.
God understands your pain, your regret, your hurting heart and every other emotion that you might be experiencing. I pray you will turn to HIM and find the healing that ONLY HE can give to you.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you so much for YOUR AMAZING LOVE and how You stepped into my life way back in 1985 and spoke to my heart when I didn’t even know Who You were. Lord, I pray for any lady who may be hurting and scarred from a past abortion, that she would find healing and restoration in You, for You alone are the Great Comforter and The One Who truly forgives, restores and makes ALL things new. Thank You, Lord, for continuing to step into my life each and every day and for constantly demonstrating Your Amazing Love!
In The Precious Name of The Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.”
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May God Bless You,