Facing My Fear

Facing My Fear

A little over a week ago I had the JOY of spending some quality time out of the house with my husband, and it did NOT include a truck date!

Now don't get me wrong, I whole heartily enjoy and appreciate our truck dates, but I think you would agree with me that something different is really nice for a change!

I was able to accompany Brian to the homegoing service of a dear friend whom we've known for well over twenty years.

My intent in going to the service was, Lord willing, to be a blessing to the widow who is now left without her husband.

But as it happens quite often, she ended up being the one who blessed me!

The service was a precious testimony of a very godly man who was totally sold out for the Lord. We laughed, we cried, but most of all we rejoiced, being assured he IS in Heaven because he knew Christ as his personal Saviour. 

After the service, the Lord gave the strength to go INTO a restaurant for a delicious lunch. My symptoms do not allow for this to happen very often, so it was an extra special treat!

It was truly

a blessed day!

Then came the evening!

I was watching television, eating a sandwich, minding my own business, not feeling too poorly, when all of a sudden my world was shaking side to side, up and down and every which way.

I thought someone pushed me onto a roller coaster without even stopping to buy me a ticket! 

Vertigo IS a symptom of my chronic illness, but trust me, it's NOT something you ever become accustomed to, especially when it hit as hard as it did that evening!

Between the help of the Lord, Brian, prayer and many long hours, things calmed down enough that I was able to lay down for the night.

The next day I was still feeling the sting and totally wiped out from the previous evening.

And to be totally honest feeling extremely fearful.

You see, these attacks hit out of no where.

They leave me quite shaken up, vulnerable and extremely uneasy for days following an episode.

On edge.

Just waiting for the next attack to hit.

Tensed up.


That Saturday night I told Brian I was NOT getting up the next morning to go to church because I was still recovering and needed my rest.

Both of those statements were absolutely true, but if the truth be known, the REAL reason was FEAR.

What if I have a huge attack like that in church?

What will I do?

What if I scream at church like I did here at home when it happened?

What will people think?





had other plans

for me!

Sunday morning He woke me up at 8:00, nudged me to get up, get ready for church and whispered in His still, small voice that He would be with me the entire time taking care of me.

A choice


to be made! 

Contiune to live in my fear and allow it to grow with each passing day or obey and trust the Lord.

Let me just say Brian and I had an amazing time worshiping with our church family IN church and NOT via the live stream!

Does that mean the Lord expects me to brush aside my symptoms and push through all the time no matter how I'm feeling?


He completely understands me.

He knows what I can and cannot accomplish each and every moment of the day.

BUT GOD knew on that Sunday just how vitally important it was to break the chain of fear which I was carrying from that particular Friday night or else it had the potential of continuing to grow and hold me captive.

So does that mean all fear has been wiped out of my life once and for all?

I would like nothing better than to shout a resounding YES to that question.

But, unfortunately that would be a lie.

However, the Lord won the victory that Sunday morning and it was a huge step in the right direction!

It serves as yet another personal reminder of the Lord's faithfulness which I can pull from my memory bank when the fear begins pushing its way into my thoughts.

This is my favorite TRUTH which I cling to when I feel fear, anxiety, worry, another day of the unknowns of chronic illness beginning to creep into my mind 


So in closing, my friends how should we handle the fears of life?

We need to carry them to the Lord.

Leave them there.

Walk on in faith even if our steps are trembling.

Trusting that our gracious, loving Heavenly Father will honor our obedience and give us strength to do whatever He has called us to do.

And, YES, like some of you, I'm still learning this lesson one wobbly step by one wobbly step!

Photo by mgessford

But let's

purpose together

to keep 

moving forward!

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May God Bless You,



  • Zebra4Jesus

    April 5, 2018 at 3:29 pm Reply

    Love it how God works miracles like that!!! In the midsts of chronic illness, just to feel the hand of God and hear His voice. He is AMAZING!!! Your fellow Zebra

    • Barb

      April 7, 2018 at 2:52 pm Reply

      Amen, my fellow Zebra, AMEN! We definitely have a miracle working Lord!
      It was such a faith booster after such a difficult time
      Sending you loads of love and hugs❤❤❤
      Thanks for being a very special blessing to me!

  • Linda

    April 6, 2018 at 4:15 am Reply

    Great testimony, Barb! Oh, how often that "what if" tries to trip us up - and fear/anxiety so often quickly follows. Isn't it wonderful that God understands us, knows our fears - and waits for us to hand them over. As you say, fear may well come knocking again - on your door or mine. It seems to be an ongoing learning curve for us - step at a time - to hand it over to the Lord, fully trusting him in the situation, knowing that He is faithful.praise God that He is greater than all our fears and anxieties! Lots and lots of love - I am blessed by your friendship - and hugs across the ocean.❤️❤️

    • Barb

      April 7, 2018 at 2:58 pm Reply

      Oh my dear friend, thank you once again for your words of encouragement. I praise the Lord that He used His words to bless you! YES, fear is an ongoing learning curve, but so thankful the Lord never grews weary of our slow learning process at times! Thankful for His unending patience and longsufferung. Love you my friend. Sending you heaps of love, hugs and appreciation ❤

  • Linda vdMerwe

    April 7, 2018 at 12:31 pm Reply

    Oh Barb, what a wonderful testimony of God's goodness and your willingness to obey His nudging.'
    Thank you for your encouraging posts.
    Love you,

    • Barb

      April 7, 2018 at 3:02 pm Reply

      Oh my dear friend, Linda, thank you for your words of encouragement. Trust me it was ALL the Lord and none of me!
      I sure wish we could sit across from each other, sipping tea and just chat until we had no words left to speak!
      Sending you bucket of love and hugs from my part of the world to yours ❤
      Love you bunches

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