This past Monday, the 10th of July, was the birthday of our one and only!
I can hardly believe he is now thirty-two years old!
Wasn't it just yesterday Brian and I brought him home from the hospital?
Didn't he just begin kindergarten two months ago, and then the following month graduate from high school?
I'm positive it was just a few days ago he and Tamara got married. Certainly not ten years ago!
I know definitely it was one day ago Matthew was placing our granddaughter in my arms for the very first time. There's no way she will turn nine years old this November!
Time sure does have a way of flying by!
As many of you know I deal with a chronic illness. What you may not be aware of is that it actually began in December 1984. It lasted about one year, and then I had a very lengthy reprieve for which I am so very thankful. It returned in April of 2002, and it has been a part of my life ever since.
But this is NOT about that day in 2002 when the illness returned.
No, this is an amazing story which portrays God as El Roi which means, "The God Who Sees" (Genesis 16:13).
This name for God was ascribed by Hagar when she was alone and desperate in the wilderness after being driven out by Sarah (Genesis 16:1-14). When Hagar met the Angel of the Lord, she realized she had seen God Himself. She also realized that El Roi had seen her in her distress and she testified that He is a God who lives and sees all.
No, I am not saying that I saw God!
But I sure am thankful He saw me in a moment in my life when I wasn't even aware of His presence. He stepped into a situation and intervened as only He can!
In order to tell you this story, I need to take you back to December 1984 and into 1985.
Let me tell you straight up that during this period of time I did not know Jesus as my personal Saviour.
I did not trust Jesus as my Saviour during this story I'm about to tell you, but God was definitely planting many seeds which grew into my salvation four years later!
In December of 1984, Brian and I found out we were expecting our first child, who ended up being our only child, which is fine with us, because we love and cherish the one the Lord gave us!
Within weeks of finding out I was pregnant, I found myself sitting in the doctor’s office ready to “sign on the dotted line” so I could abort the baby I was carrying.
Yes, I said, abort the baby I was carrying!
I found out I had a horrible illness which was 99.9% due to the pregnancy, and I was NOT going to put myself through all the horrendous symptoms and run the risk of losing my eye sight for a baby!
It was ALL about me.
I couldn’t see past MYSELF at the time.
My husband couldn’t even talk me out of MY decision.
My mind was made up and NO ONE was going to change it!
The doctor proceeded to answer all my questions and I was ready to leave and “get the job done”.
However, right before I left his office my doctor said to me,
“Barb, it’s very early in the pregnancy, and I really doubt we will hear the baby’s heartbeat, but let’s just check anyway, okay?”
I was very calloused at the time and thought to myself, “Okay, whatever, but it’s NOT going to change my mind!”
hear the heartbeat!
Right then and there, I fell head-over-heals in love with that little baby, and I knew I would do whatever it would take to carry that baby to full-term.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt it surely was NOT ME making that decision.
It was ALL
the Lord's doing!
The pregnancy continued to worsen and I spent four weeks in the hospital with continuous spinal taps being done. By the end of the pregnancy, I was not doing well, but I still loved our baby!
Matthew was born happy and healthy, and approximately five months after giving birth, my health returned to normal!
I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would be like today had I made that decision so many years ago.
The hurt. The loss. The regret.
I wouldn’t have all the precious memories which I have stored up in my heart and mind!
Rocking Matthew to sleep when he was just a baby.
Reading books together.
Playing outside together.
Tucking him into bed each night and hearing those most precious words, "I love you, Mommy!"
Baking cookies together.
Just being silly together!
Watching him grow spiritually.
Hearing him say, even at the age of thirty-two, "I love you, Mom!"
I would have missed the joy of seeing him get married, and then having a child of his own.
I wouldn't have had the honor and privilege of rocking my baby’s baby to sleep and singing, “Jesus Loves Me” to her.
Having her paint each of my toe nails and finger nails a different color.
Hearing her say to me, “Grammy, I love you so much”, which even on my worst days physically, can make my heart sing with absolute delight!
Having her call me one day and sharing with me the greatest news ever, "Grammy, I asked Jesus to be my Saviour today!"
And so many more unspeakable memories!
I have no words to say, except thank God He stepped into my life on a day way back in 1985 when I wanted NO PART of Him whatsoever. When I didn’t even know Him or what it meant to love Him or to trust Him as my Saviour.
my EL ROI!
The God Who
and saved me
Matthew's EL ROI!
The God Who
while he was
still in the womb,
laid His hand
and protected him!
I need to stop for a moment and "talk" to any lady reading this who might have had an abortion in the past.
I am not passing judgment upon you or placing condemnation on you by any means. I would NEVER EVER do such a thing. I pray you will KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God totally understands all you might be feeling and experiencing. My prayer is that you will turn to HIM and find the healing that ONLY HE can give to you.
"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears."
Thank You, Lord, for ALWAYS seeing me and knowing ALL about me!
Thank You Lord
my EL ROI!
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May God Bless You,