Me, Myself and I!

"And be not
to this world:
but be ye
by the
of your mind,
that ye
what is
that good,
and perfect,
will of God.”
Romans 12:2

Like always, I'm going to be honest!  The past several weeks I have not been feeling well physically.  Worse than my "normal".  A lot worse.  Not sure if it's related to the same illness or something new?  But something definitely is "off kilter".  I will be seeing my specialist on June 6th, so look for updates in the near future!

Due to the symptoms, I’ve been spending a lot more time in bed which fuels the loneliness and isolation and feeds the already damaged feelings of self-worth.  And then of course comes all the thoughts of, "What is going on with me now?"  "What am I going to be facing?"  “What’s next?"  "Blah, Blah, Blah!"

With all this "junk" running wildly around in my mind, I decided to have a BIG party!  But unfortunately it wasn't a happy party whatsoever.

My 50th birthday party, three years ago, was a happy party!  In fact it was A BLAST!  We had eighty people drop in.  There was LOTS of laughter and smiles.  Massive amounts of good food and cake.  Wonderful reminiscing and memory-making moments.  Did I mention LOTS of laughter and smiles?






b11This party I had recently was the TOTAL OPPOSITE.  There was no laughter.  No smiles.  Not eighty guests.  There were only three guests.  Me, myself and I.  Oh, occasionally Brian would drop in, but he had enough common sense to know when it was time to say, "farewell".

I invited Jesus to my party, but the only problem was that He couldn't get inside the house.  You see, I had the screen door locked and then I had the main door locked, dead bolted and chain locked!

However, Jesus stood on the front porch listening in on the conversation which was taking place at this party with these three guests, me, myself and I.  As He listened, He was heartbroken to hear that He was barely mentioned at all.  Me, myself and I were so consumed with talking about how they were feeling physically and conversing about the possibilities that might await them in the future, and sharing their burdens with one another that it appeared they had no time to discuss anything else.

Had me, myself and I TOTALLY forgotten about the goodness of Jesus?  The unfailing grace of Jesus?  The sacrificial love of Jesus which He demonstrated by dying on the cross so that me, myself and I could be totally forgiven of our sins and spend all Eternity with Him in Heaven one day?  Had they forgotten that this life is not all there is?  It sure appeared that way.

Oh, but wait!  There were presents at this party!  Maybe this party wouldn’t be a disaster after all.

The first gift was wrapped in brown “butcher block” paper tied up with twine.  Not a very appealing gift, but, hey, a gift is a gift, right?  As I anxiously tore into the brown paper and cut off the twine, all I saw inside was a slip of white paper with three words written in bold black ink, "But what if?"

Maybe the next gift would be a lot better?  Granted it was a black gift bag with some tears around the top edges and looking a bit ragged, but again, hey, it’s a gift, right?  As I eagerly dug to the bottom of the bag past all the tissue paper, once again it was a slip of white paper with just three words written in bold black ink, "How much longer?"

Well the last gift MUST be the best of all.  It was just a plain white envelope and, yes, it did have a few coffee stains on it, but, it was a gift.  Maybe it was cash or a gift card?  That would be amazing!  But, no, it was just another slip of white paper with three words written in bold black ink, "Where is God?"

Okay this party was fading fast!  Even the gifts were useless and by now the cake was getting dry and stale.  The "munchies" were half eaten, the cans of soda were going flat, and even the streamers hanging from the ceiling fans were beginning to droop and most of the balloons were lying on the floor lifeless.

As I began picking up the trash, I happened to notice three boxes left sitting on the corner table.  Out of view.  Obscured from the rest of the gifts.  But I didn’t feel like opening up any more disappointing gifts, so I just "let them be" as I continued to mope around cleaning up the mess from my depressing, self-absorbed, self-consuming pity party, but giving those gifts a second glance every chance I got!

Finally my curiosity got the best of me!  

These gifts were wrapped TOTALLY different from the other ones!

The first one was a box wrapped in the most elegant shiny gold wrapping paper adorned on top with two stunning maroon and white swirled bows!  It was almost too pretty to open!  As I gently unwrapped the paper, my heart was pounding a mile a minute, and yet at the same time very cautious as I knew it could still contain one of those small slips of paper.  But much to my surprise, it was NOT a slip of paper.  It was a painting of the most gorgeous sunset I have ever seen.  On the back of the painting were written these words,

“Barb, I love you my dear child.  I see You have been struggling lately and I want you to know how very much I love you.  Please read the words which I have inscribed on the painting.  Your Heavenly Father”

I took a picture so you could see for yourself my gift from God

Well now my curiosity was way passed beyond being peaked!  I couldn’t wait to open the second package.

This gift was wrapped in a pure white gift bag decorated with beautiful crimson hearts!  Inside the bag I found a gorgeous handmade wooden plaque.  The gift card said, “Barb, I have been wanting to come to your party, but you would not let Me in the door.  I know you love Me.  Please read the words inscribed on the plaque and always remember how very much I love you, Jesus”

Here is a picture of the plaque from Jesus

WOW!!  By now I could barely see through the tears which were streaming down my face.  But there was still one more package to open.

This present was wrapped in glittering silver paper and tied with a goldenrod colored ribbon.  As I lifted the top of the box, my breath caught in my throat as I looked upon a gorgeous hand stitched wall hanging of beautiful deep red tulips, which "just happen to be" my favorite flower!  The gift card said, “Barb, I am Your Comforter.  I am always here to help you think on the “right” things if You allow me that privilege.  Please read the words which I stitched amidst the tulips, and always remember how very much I love you, The Holy Spirit.”

Here's a picture of the wall hanging I received from the Holy Spirit

I will not insult your intelligence by telling you that my story is fictitious!

it is,

"Lord, thank You for the overwhelming power of Your Word.  Thank You for not sugar-coating Your Word to suit my moods, whims or pity parties.  But at the same time, thank You so much that Your Word brings blessed comfort and encouragement to take that next step and is such a healing balm when I am weak, weary and worn. Thank You that Your Word brings life.  Everlasting life.   Renewed life.  Joyous life.  Hope-filled life.  Abundant life.  Life spent in Your glorious presence now and for all Eternity for those who know Jesus Christ as their personal Saviour.  In Jesus' Name.  Amen"

"Everything else
will fade away,
but what
will remain

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May God Bless You,



  • Kelly Kulas

    June 8, 2016 at 2:51 pm Reply

    Barb you have touch my heart once again today. Thank you for always share your heart. Keeping you in prayer.

    • Barb

      June 10, 2016 at 12:33 pm Reply

      My sweet friend Kelly, thank you for always encouraging me with your words.
      Thank you as well for your prayers.
      You know that I'm praying for you my treasured friend
      Love you, Barb ♥♥♥

  • Felicia Bernal

    June 8, 2016 at 3:37 pm Reply

    Barb, I love your story, Me, Myself & I. I really fight it when I get in that state. Lately, have had much pain with back and limited activities. I will remember the image you gave me of Jesus outside the door of the party. Heart- rendering. I constantly need my mind stirred and renewed.

    • Barb

      June 10, 2016 at 12:42 pm Reply

      Felicia, I'm so very thankful that the words which the Lord gave to me were a blessing and an encouragement to you.
      It can be so very difficult when we are in pain with limited activities. Those are the times when our adversary will always try to get his foot in the crack of the door and that's all it takes .... a small crack in "the door"! Trust me, I know!
      I will be praying for you ny sweet friend
      Love ya, Barb♥♥♥

  • Linda

    June 9, 2016 at 3:59 am Reply

    Oh dear Barb, how my heart went out to you as I read your opening sentences about the last few weeks - I just wished I could be there to give you a hug. I know lots of readers will identify with Me, Myself & I. it's sooo easy for any of us to have one of those parties when times are hard - I've sure had some if those. Your honesty and openness in sharing is like a refreshing breeze and will minister to the hearts of many. Love the photos of your other party - looks like a wonderful day was had! Sending you lots of love, big hugs - and much prayer. Though far away in miles, you are close to my heart.

    • Barb

      June 10, 2016 at 12:50 pm Reply

      Oh my treasured friend, Linda, as I type this response to you, the tears are streaming down my face because I so wish as well that right now you were sitting right here with me! That would be AMAZING! But they are also tears of JOY and thankfulness that the Lord brought you into my life!!
      I know I said it before but I feel as if we have been life-long friends.
      The Lord definitely made us a three-fold cord when He brought us together ... you, me, and the Lord♥♥♥♥
      And a three-fold cord is NOT easily broken!!!
      And, yes, my other party was a blast!!!!
      Thank you, once again, for your uplifting words of encouragement
      Love you my dear, sweet friend even though seas seperare us, Barb

  • Shirley Lynch

    June 9, 2016 at 6:34 pm Reply

    Barb you are such a blessing..this is the first of you posts I have read. What a blessing God has really used you in a special. Way.I was so depressed after my husband's passing. But God finally brought me through. OUR GOD IS GOOD.

    • Barb

      June 10, 2016 at 12:53 pm Reply

      Mrs. Shirley, I was thrilled when I saw your comment♥♥♥♥
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post, and thank you for your words of encouragement which come from a heart of experience.
      Love ya, Barb
      Hope you will continue to read future posts ♡♡♡♥♥♥

  • Shirley Lynch

    June 9, 2016 at 6:37 pm Reply

    May God richly bless you.

    • Barb

      June 10, 2016 at 12:55 pm Reply

      Thank you, Mrs. Shirley
      And may God richly bless you!!

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